I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
