O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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