Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
