it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
