I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
