he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize