She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
