about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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