Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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