just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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