I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
