There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
