I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
