I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
