I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
how drunk are you?
Several
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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