its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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