she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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