Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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