Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
