Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize