I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
pray to the hookup gods
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
