sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
