Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
