How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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