I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
