There is no way he is gay with that hair.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
