In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
