Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
