I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
