I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize