So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
