My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
