I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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