actually, I'm a sock model
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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