I am spending my child support on dildos
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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