I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
