put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
