Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
