I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
