i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
