we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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