Soap is not a condiment
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
