who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
