i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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