Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
