I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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