and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
