i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
