isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
