Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
