I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
